Sun Clod

Cherai Beach under the evil beating sun

        I have never been much of a sun worshipper, never seeing that much fun in lying immobile for hours on end seeking a crisp even brown. Instead I walk around in my shirts and shorts playing the role of the modest Englishman abroad perenially uncomfortable in the ever increasing heat.
The penalty of this as the weeks have passed is an ever more profound t-shirt tan. My face, arms and legs turn deeper and deeper shades while my torso remains lilly white. The impression is of a half baked cookie. And sure enough the ridicuolous reflection in the mirror one morning pricked my vanity and I decided I had to do something about it.
I hatched a simple plan. I would use my usual nuclear strength factor 35 cream on my already tanned parts and apply some freshly bought Indian brand factor 15 on my pale sickly areas. Surely I would even out into a rough approximation of a bronzed God?
Things started out swimmingly on Cherai beach just outside Kochi. The sun was bright and powerful, a cool breeze came in off the sea, the sand sparsely populated by tourists and picturesquely fringed by large swaying coconut palms. Contendedly I settled on a mat and began a book while anticipating my appealing trasformation, turning from belly to back and vice versa every 15 minutes or so.
Later after going on a long shirtless rambling walk I began to feel a little heat on my shoulders. I told myself nothing was wrong with this, just a bit of a reaction. But a rising doubt nagged my mind, and once I returned to my flat I inspected myself in the bathroom mirror with trepedation.
To my horror bright and toxic radioactive red stretched from the nape of my neck to my belt line. On turning I saw my back was the same unnatural shade. Well, the same shade apart from a neat white palm print that starkly sat on my left shoulder blade. I could even make out the grooves of fingerprints as clear as if you took them in ink. I suppose I must have put a my hand with the factor 35 accidently on there when I was applying. Gah!
It's now five days later and this unfortunate piece of body art remains with the lobster tan. Needless to say here in Varkala I watch the beach from afar, fully clothed and sipping on my tea in a modest British way, contemplating that perhaps Indian suntan lotion is made for people with darker skin than I.....